For almost four years I passed by what I thought was a funeral home in my many walks to and from the library in my Midwest town. I never really noticed any activity in there nor looked up at the sign which was placed about spiderman level on the side of the building. I am pretty nearsighted and even my trifocal glasses (distance, reading, and computer screen) at best outdoors allow me to know whether someone is following me, not get hit by a car, and basically get home without being killed. Plus, half the year I am negotiating stepping on over or around snow, ice, and black ice. Sometimes I'm pushing my two wheeler cart that doesn't have snow tires.
So one Friday evening I was on my way home from the library and about to pass by the funeral home again. There was a man and I think his 12 year old son just a few paces in front of me. Then the man opened the front door of the funeral home and asked his son,
"Do you want eat here?" The son said,
"Yeah, okay, I guess."
I said,
"Oh my god is this a restaurant?"
The man said,
"Yeah, its been here since I was born and some of their food is pretty good."
"Oh," I thought. I will check it out.
Then, I looked directly up and saw a vertical neon sign that read "Resta-rant" cuz the "u" light was out. "Established 1897".
The man's son held the door open for me and I two-wheeled inside.
It looked clean and pretty inside and I didn't see any caskets. There was a sign on the wall that said, " Weekly homtown specials". I thought their food might be better than their spelling and I ought to give em a chance. Plus I saw a Friday fish special and found out it wasn't even breaded or fried! The counter girl was polite and friendly and asked if I wanted a "to go" order or eat in. I said,
"Well, I got all these library books, I'm gonna treat myself and eat here.
So I ordered the fish (species unknown) with 2 sides (green beans and macaroni and cheese) and a glass of water.
It didn't take too long for my food to arrive. There were only 3 customers in the restaurant, the man and his son and me.
Courteously, the counter girl set my food down. I thanked her, picked up the fork and sampled the food.
" Oh my god, I thought! I was right! This IS a funeral home. I am eating leftovers from 1897!" Their menu does not describe the food very well. If it is petrified and aged in a wooden casket in the basement it should say so.
I ate a few more bites mostly green beans since I didn't see any fur on them and washed it down with water that tasted just like the tap water I get at home that my cat refuses to drink.
"I'm ready to go, I'd like to pay now" I said. The counter girl offered to wrap up my leftovers to take home but I said,
"No thanks anyway, I'm full. Do you have a " take out " menu?" Secretly I meant I would "take that out of town."
I paid and I left, looking up once again at the sign on the building that read "Resta-rant thinking for the words "Funeral Home", that's pretty bad typing.
